Battlecry

The third great war was not fought on battlefields, where soldiers were subject to the whims of nature and changes in terrain that could mean the difference between going home warm or cold. There were no guns or bombs, no casualties or deaths. There were no real soldiers even. Many didn’t believe the severity of it, brushing us off as children, simply young people who couldn’t stand to work for things or pay for things like they had to when they were our age. But it was a war, and it was one unlike anything we had seen before.

It was a fight for freedom. Freedom of self, freedom for communication, knowledge and connection. It was war for experience. A war for art - something that had been stripped away from us many years ago and it wasn’t until now that we had any means of getting it back. Something we always thought had to be bought, never once realizing that it, like us, had a burning desire to share and be shared.

For so long we were told to be seen, not heard. Even when they pretended this wasn’t the case, we all knew it was. Even as adults this was the policy. ‘Keep out of harms way. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.’ And we sat and waited and listened, keeping to ourselves, talking to each other because we knew no one else would listen. But then, we were heard.

It started in our pockets and it was fought in our basements. Through phones and cameras and messages passed in CAPTCHA. The QR codes on the bottoms of our coffee cups went ignored by those not privy, but became invaluable to us as we started disappearing, thrown away for unfair use and unlawful distribution.

Sometimes we wondered if it was worth it, if what they were saying was true and we should just get jobs. Become part of the machine that we had been fighting against for what felt like ages. And then we would hear stories, see on the news the case of yet another enemy falling, of another white flag being raised. And our confidence grew and we went back to our maps and our CD collections, back to code and to this secret war we were all fighting after school or work or sex or vacations.

The world did not end with fire and brimstone. A thunderstorm of blood, the mouths of dragons or people vanishing in to the sky. It ended with the death rattle of a server, a cry of pain from the people controlling the strings of the people controlling those we thought had power.

And then it began anew.

Maya - Sketch, 2011

Wolf - Drawing, 2011

Skeletons - Drawing, 2011

Ransom Played Guitar - Sketch, 2011

Smoking - 2011

Record Sale - Poster for Iowa State University’s student radio record sale, January 2012

#design  #poster  

You and I
are a complicated series
of if's
	and's
and
		but's 

#words  #poetry  

Love - Series, December 2010

Beliefs

It wasn’t until I had shared that with him, my thoughts on what happens to you after you die, that I realized I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone else. I had been able to, with the utmost confidence, share the things I kept closest to my heart. These were thoughts I never vocalized, ideas I only thought about as I was falling asleep at night. Things that were so private, the idea of telling them to someone was ridiculous, borderline obscene.

But it had felt so necessary to say them to him, to let him in to that last, most secret part of my being. It was like I wouldn’t’ve been able to live with myself if I hadn’t. Almost as if I couldn’t stand to be two separate beings anymore. I wanted him to know everything about me. How my sister died, how often I regretted starting that fight, why I don’t like the way charcoal creeps up on my arms and fingers and how it’s very different from the way paint feels when it does the same thing. I wanted him to know what it was like for me when I would start seizing. I wanted him to see the things I see, to hear and feel how I do.

And I wanted his secrets. I wanted to know why he had moved to New York. When he had first started cutting and why. I wanted to know what name he was confirmed under, if he had loved his first girlfriend, if he had wanted to have sex with Alex and if he had thought about it the same way I think about making love to him. I wanted to know when he first discovered Led Zepplin and why he only listens to vinyl. I wanted to know if he believed in aliens or bigfoot or the Mayan calendar. The power of positive thinking. God? (Do you still believe in God, Ransom? Even after all he’s done to you. After everything he’s made you think about yourself and hate about yourself and your body and who you love and the things you do in the dark with me?) I wanted to know why he said Neon Bible and Thom Yorke saved his life

But most of all, I wanted to know if he knew how much I loved him.

#words